In the Beginning

I would first like to introduce myself. My name is Sarah and I am the very lucky mother of three amazing boys. I have decided to do create this blog for two major reasons. The first is to reach and connect with other families who are expereiencing life while raising a person with disabilities. I really don't like to use that label but I feel it is the only one people trully understand. It is a very broad term and I t hink that it could apply to everyone on this planet. Second, I am using this as a pathway torwards coping with raising a person with a disability. Selfish? Yes and no. Real? Definitely yes! There are sometimes emotions and feelings that creep into our heads that we are told to ignore or ashamed to admit. Well, frankly, I am tired. Tired of running, tired of forgetting and ready to live with this blessing in all of its infinite wonder.

Trumans has two brothers, Boston (11) and Carson (9, two dogs, Lulu a cute Shi Tsu and Tucker a big yellow lab who just passed away in August and a wonderful father named Tom, and then me. We live in a moderate house in Boise, Idaho.

After the birth of our two older sons we decided (after 3 years of discussion) to have one more child. I was 28 years and in fairly good health and shape. In the springof 2005 we were excited to learn that we would be welcoming our third baby boy into our lives in November. My pregnancy was progressing along as "normal" until friday, the 29th day of July. I felt very crampy and looked as though there were 10 babies growing inside me. I called my doctor and was told to drink a can of caffenaited soda to make sure the baby was still moving. I could not feel a thing. I had my mom take me to the hospital. I was taken to the Labor and Delivery unit where I was asked if I really thought there was only one baby in there. After a quick ultrasound, and no comment from the nurse (only that she was going to call my doctor) I started to feel my whole world closing in around me. The white room became very small and all I could do was look at my tiny little peanut swimming in a sea of amniotic fluid. All alone. The doctor quickly rushed across the street to admit this 28 year old, mother of two, whom he barely new. I was put in a wheel chair and taken to a delivery room. At this point the fluid would need to be drained and I was given several medications, hooked up to IV's and told I was not going to leave my new home until I delivered my baby...no prospective date. I was given a steroid to help the baby develop his lungs faster,in the event I delivered him 15 weeks before he was "scheduled" to arrive. I was put on a continues drip of magnesium to relax my uterus and slow down the contractions. Later that evening, around 11:00pm, my OB came in to release the fluid. This process is like that of an amniocentesis. A giant (giant to me) needle is inserted into the abdomen, directly into the amniotic sac. I am watching this all take place on the monitor. An approximate total of 4 liters (equivalent to 1 gallon of milk) was removed. I was given a higher dose of magnesium and transfered to the antepartum unit...where I would find residence (not refuge) for the duration of my pregnancy. Let me tell you a little bit about magnesium...it is awefull. I was on such a high dose that I could not even take myself to the bathroom without my legs collapsing out from underneath me. I had no control over my muscles. I could not tell if I was chewing when it was time to eat (and if anyone knows meI like to eat), I could barely raise my arms to read, let alone focus on the words I was reading, see the television clearly or speak without slurring my speech. I was settling in to the realization that this could be my new home for the next 3 months. That was going to be expensive. I have very wonderful friends and family who came to vist me and comfort me the best that they knew how. I will be eternally grateful for that. But, when everyone was home in there beds, or working or living, I was alone. Alone and scared and all I could do was survive. I was taught, whether I wanted to or not, how to survive. You push your self aside and get throught it day by day. One long lonely minute at a time. It worked, we got through it and in reality I was not alone. I just had a hard time reaching out and opening my eyes to all of the amazing love that camo from this life altering time in our lives.